Diary of Battle Duck
by Lil' DeiDei
Summary: I am Battle Duck. On this date of October 21, XX11, I have taken an oath. An oath sworn for the sake my fellow man, woman, and other-skinned beings, that I will record an account of the strange events that occur in this mystical world...
1. Opening

The following story belongs to Lil' DeiDei. Minecraft is the property of Mojang and the brainchild of Notch.

**Diary of Battle Duck!**

I am Battle Duck. On this date of October 21, XX11, I have taken an oath. An oath sworn for the sake my fellow man, woman, and other-skinned beings, that I will record an account of the strange events that occur in this mystical world for as long as I am within it.

And to that end, I give you this, _The Diary of Battle Duck_.


	2. Chapter 1

The following story belongs to Lil' DeiDei. Minecraft is the property of Mojang and the brainchild of Notch.

**Diary of Battle Duck!**

October 21, XX11

Mine name is Battle Duck. I hail from the Minecraft world of Ducktopia, a forest biome located in the Overworld. I have yet to visit the Nether or The End, but I am attempting to gather the materials to construct a portal to at the very least visit the former. I have found lava and water required to form obsidian, the hard rock used create the frame of the portal's structure, though I have not undertaken the task of building and mining the material.

The structure I have built closely resembles a tall turret of a castle's tower, a guard building I utilize to overlook the area and espy prey or enemies. Thus far, I have encountered numerous creepers—green pig-like men who explode at close contact and demolish any constructions within the vicinity—a small amount of skeletons, spiders, zombies, and an Enderman. He said nothing, merely staring and watching me as I added to my home. He picked up a block of cobblestone and walked slowly away, still saying nothing. I decided it was in my best interests to just let him go quietly. That one block had not required a substantial amount of effort on my part to obtain, and Endermen are said to be vicious if you dare look into their purple eyes.

But while I have laid my own eyes upon these life forms, I have yet to see another human anywhere. While I realize my duck suit does distinguish me quite a bit from my counterparts, I desire human interaction and am curious to understand the reasons for why there are no other human beings here—not even village or mine remnants. Did the Apocalypse come and forget me?

My only interaction is thus with my pet sheep, Derpa. I sheared her for her wool for my kitchen's carpeting, and decided to give her a loving home and place to stay while she waited for it to grow back. We do not talk to each other frequently, but we have an understanding. I leave the doors open while I am working on the house, and Derpa may come in and go outside to the fenced yard as she pleases.

Except today, that changed.

I left the house to gather more materials (wood and wool, ironically), but stupidly, foolishly, left the fence open.

Derpa followed me out, and I have not seen her since.

Did she run away?

Was I the only one to understand the agreement?

Was I treating her poorly?

Did her lamb self desire freedom so sincerely that even an arrangement such as ours was not enough?

Perhaps I will not ever know, but I hope Derpa comes home. She was not just any sheep, she was my sheep. Derpa, if you're out there, I love you.

Until tomorrow,

Battle Duck, out.


	3. Chapter 2

The following story belongs to Lil' DeiDei. Minecraft is the property of Mojang and the brainchild of Notch, even though Jeb is now working on it .

You know… Battle Duck and Derpa make me think of a lot of Welsh stereotypes. Context: /naked-sheep

**Diary of Battle Duck!**

October 25, XX11

I went on a mining expedition three days past, searching for minerals. Specifically, iron. I need armor and picks, and I have heard iron forms one of the strongest swords to be had. I have been unable to gather enough leather to use it as a substitute and I cannot fight monsters without the proper gear. The battle between humans and monsters has been raging for years—that is one of the reasons I came to this part of the world, after all. Of course, the precious resource diamond is also on my list, but that is so rarely found unless one ventures near to the dangerous magma pouring from the rocks of the earth. I will wait until I can find an apothecary or alchemist, where potions can be made to counter the effects of lava.

When I found an area suitable for my needs, I of course began my mine, a rather dull process that needn't be described here. I did, however, note that this area is rich in stone, and coal, but poor in the other essentials. I came across many sheep on my journey to this mining area, and cows, as well as one chicken, but I am craving pork. I have started to farm wheat in the hopes that it will make it easier to convince animals to come to my home, but the growing process is slow on the hill I live on. Water is helpful to the farming process, but not absolutely necessary. However, doing it without is difficult.

I am also hoping that the wheat I find will bring Derpa to me. If I can convince her that this wheat is best, I will have my sheepy once again. Ah, Derpa…

Alas, I digress, I digress. As I was ending my mining expedition just earlier, I realized I had no idea as to my orientation. I did not know where my home, my spawn point, was. If I built a chest and hoped to return and collect my goods later, would I be able to find the place again? I had foolishly forgotten to mark my trail with signs or torches, so I knew it was unlikely. I had to venture back into the mine and collect the goods to manufacture a compass, a neat mechanical device that always points in the direction of the last bed you slept in. Far more useful than the device some "scientists" were discussing creating, one that would point in the fantastical direction "North" so you could go opposite the arrow and move "South" if that is where you wanted to go—and what use is that, I ask you? Why not have a device that points exactly in the direction you want to go? What could possibly be more useful?

Once I built the device, finding my way home was simple enough, and I did not have to worry about the minerals I collected. I built a tower house to make it easy to find, but in the forest I live in, though the trees do not compete in height, the quantity makes for a disturbing lack of visibility, despite the brightness of my home. I am considering building a lava lamp on the top of it, to light it with the glow of red for miles and miles away. Light also prevents monsters from spawning, which will provide beneficial protection to my home. However, my main concern is really the trees. I am reluctant to tear them down for the sake of the ecology and the animals nearby, but I do need the visibility. I am a firm believer in replanting at least one tree for every one removed, the higher that ratio on the planting side, the better, but it may be unrealistic to do that. At least until I find a plateau to put them on, that is.

Luckily, few monsters are present around my site, so construction of the tower has progressed smoothly enough. There is a potential problem if spiders are capable of climbing as high as I was warned before I set off on this expedition. The tower is technically lacking a roof at this point, though the entrance points are possibly to slim for a spider to be a problem.

Unfortunately, I am exhausted from my ventures in those mines—though uneventful, mining itself is difficult. The pickaxe must be hefted at the right height and each stone requires a certain number of swings before they will release their minerals—and I must desist this entry for the time being.

Until tomorrow,

Battle Duck, out.

* * *

><p>AN: I had a teacher in high school that went "down many a rabbit trail" and every time he remembered he was supposed to be teaching, he would say, "I digress, I digress." Or sometimes, "We digress, we digress," if the whole class managed to distract him. He was a funny guy, though I hear now, he actually does teach, which sucks for the students. =P<p>

Also, I will admit that Battle Duck's complaints with compasses are in fact my own. They don't make sense. I want Cap'n Sparrow's compass. I would always know where the nearest Cuppa is. =D


	4. Chapter 3

**Diary of Battle Duck!**

October 31, XX11

I have decided to employ the process of mining used in my old home village. We always crafted our houses atop our mines, to avoid the dangers of the changing weather and the wicked monsters. There was, of course, a minor risk of monsters spawning within your home walls, but with enough light and protectionary measures surrounding your home, safety is easy to come by.

For instance, one fellow I dwelled near installed cacti and lava in the walls of his home in the event that a creeper blew the wall up so a skeleton or zombie could sneak by. Others just create large pits for the monsters to fall into.

I use doors to ensure there is only one path, and rely heavily on light to eliminate the threat monsters pose. Thus, my new mine—since I did indeed forget the route to the previous area—is beneath my home, fifteen or so layers of sedimentary rock up from the bedrock that forms the world's core. I have managed to find an abundance of resources, though I do have an amusing anecdote to relay before I continue.

I was concerned with my lack of weaponry, so, utilizing the copious quantity of pine trees available to me, I decided to create a sword. I learned years ago that holding the shift key down will use as many resources as are in the crafting square to create as many goods as possible. I had indeed filled the square with almost all the wood and sticks I had to create one sword, but ended up with ten.

Allow me to reiterate at this point that wooden swords are not exactly "top-notch." In most cases, they are used for practice swords or child's play. Stone swords are an improvement, but my stone resources I am currently devoting to my tower, though I am not sure I need be so concerned about running out; I have nearly filled a double chest with the stuff, and the tower is not to be mocked or thought of as "lacking in height." In fact, I may indeed make it still taller.

I digress. The point I was attempting to make is that I have found a mineral-rich area, and have in fact already discovered the location of that resource—obsidian! I merely require three diamond to make an Everlasting Pick (they are not truly everlasting, but they do withstand much more pressure than the average mining tool, and can be enchanted to have—I believe—up to three times their normal length of life), and then my Way into the Nether will be complete.

This will allow me access to such treasures as Netherwart and Blaze Rods, as well as the chance to take on Zombie Pigmen and Ghasts. Indeed, it is a truly magnificent chance. I would wait until the tower is complete, but some of the stones available in the Nether will add a unique look to my home, and the ever-burning Nether Rack will also be essential for a truly well-lit and guarded tower. Also, I would really like to explore more and fulfill my missions sooner rather than later. As it is, I am delayed and hampered by the lack of interaction with other people, and even the monsters have been reluctant to face me thus far. I need stimulation!

In other words, I may have to venture into that realm sooner than I think. My only other option is to traverse across the landscape and explore more of the area, but I am waiting until I have developed a fuller weapon arsenal and created an enchanting table to guarantee maximum safety for myself; exploring is not a hugely difficult process, but it is easy to get lost, and I always prefer to be prepared.

On that note, I have been searching for spiders for the silk they provide to construct a bow and improve my weaponry arsenal, but to no avail. Deep in the caves in this mount, there are creepers, zombies, and skeletons, but spiders seem to be lacking. My wheat farm is coming along nicely, though, and with any luck, I will attract animals to my home and be able to start a real farm therein. This will obviously aid in providing me with food resources; I will admit, I have been surviving on the dropped rotten flesh of my zombie enemies for a while now, which puts me in a slight quandary. If I eat their flesh, am I a cannibal? They are not living, but they are not dead. Are the undead still humans, or is the undead a whole new species? In my old village, my lizard-skinned friend insisted eating zombie flesh is cannibalism, but I always saw it differently. On the other hand, it is hard to argue that they are animals when they clearly do not have the appearance of such. It is a difficult argument to digest, and one I must consider further. But for now, I do wish to have another food source that does not make me ill or turn my skin green when I eat it, and that does not make me question the morality of eating it. Thus, I will only be consuming animal meat from now on.

Until next time,

Battle Duck, out.


	5. Chapter 4

I am so excited about the books in 1.3! I just need to find some squid and chickens and Battle Duck's tales will _actually_ be _inside the game!_ How cool is that? XD

**Diary of Battle Duck!**

November 5, XX11

In the other world, this date is celebrated as the day a Man attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament (at Westminster Palace) to kill King James I.

In my world, this is the day I finally killed the last spider I needed to gain the string for a bow. I have plenty of arrows from the skeletons that lurk around my homestead, but spiders are a rarity and, when they do attack, tend only drop their eyes. It has been a hassle to gather all these pieces of string but finally, I have crafted a bow of such quality that has never been seen before. At least, not around these parts.

I also had a rather strange encounter with a giant… lizard… thing. I know I wander around in a duck suit, so I really cannot say much, but still. The man, if it indeed was a man, said nothing to me and did not give me a clue as to his intentions during our whole meeting. He did, however, help me fend off zombies, skeletons, and the few spiders that attack at night. Then, he suddenly disappeared, leaving behind his armor and sword. What to make of this encounter, I do not know.

I do know, however, that I am running low on quills and worry that I will not be able to continue recording my adventures at this rate. The Overworld is counting on me! I must hunt down some chickens!

Diary, I must confess something strange. Something unusual has been occurring and I am not sure what is the cause, nor the explanation.

Diary, I believe… I believe I have a guardian angel.

That is the only explanation that makes sense and fits the recurring oddity that has frequented me since I came to this new biome.

For when I die, dear Diary, I always, _always_, spawn again, safe at home in my bed. I am uncertain what to make of this. Though I am, of course, grateful to the deities looking out for me and blessing me with this strange gift of immortality, it was at first highly disorienting and is still very confusing to find myself alive when I was sure I would never awaken again. My life has now flashed before my eyes so many times, it's boring.

I never spawn with my belongings on hand, except what I have stowed away in my chest, but always, I am fully healthy and not even the slightest bit hungry or injured!

After falling into lava three times, I was thus forced to conclude, upon waking up snug in my bed at home each time, that there are indeed angels out there, despite what they teach us at the Overworld Academy.

Today, I died once more. In fact, I must make a formal log of that.

Reports

**Unusual Activity—Category I**

Death.

Respawn.

Occurrences: 4

Specific details: _Battle Duck finds himself in circumstances that will usually cause death, not a coma or other injury, yet, he wakes up each time. Inventory is empty. Health and food bars are full. Injuries are eliminated; no noticeable health effects. Instances typically include falling into lava pits._

I must pay attention to that, and record any more instances as they occur. At least I have not been blown up by the fabled Creepers yet! We have an expression back home, "Creepers Gonna Creep". One fellow I knew, BOOP poor, unfortunate soul, was blown up inside his own home. That, of course, then led to a village joke about the creeper who will compliment your home, only to blow it up immediately afterward.

Creepers are indeed evil fellows.

Well, that's enough prattling on for today. I must be off to find those chickens!

Until tomorrow,

Battle Duck, out.

/Post Script

DIARY! IT HAS HAPPENED AGAIN! I STAND BEFORE YOU, WRITING ON YOUR VERY PAGES, A DEAD MAN!

Except I am alive! This is an unusual thing, indeed. I must contact the home base somehow!

BD, out again.


End file.
